Week 2: Monster Matchup

Happy Wednesday everyone! I know you've all been DYING for this day to come since last week's installments, but don't worry- I've almost perfected the process for reanimation. I almost needed it myself after seeing the results of last week's Monster Matchup. The matchup went back and forth all weekend, but in the end the Dragons came out on top. RG3 was a revelation for the Dragons, and the Cheetos had a few major let downs on the offensive side of the ball. However, I spoke with my pharmacist, and I believe that we figured out where the mix-up was in my pharmaceuticals last week, leading to my skewed predictions. All appears to be civil between last week's Monster contenders, much to the chagrin of Legends manager Vince. However, this week's matchup is shaping up to be a doozy.

Enough with the small talk- I know everyone wants to know about this week's matchup. Without further ado, I give you week 2's MONSTER MATCHUP between the Utah Spazz and the Colorado Screaming Eagles! The Spazz have decided to send out 2 quarterbacks, 2 running backs, 4 wide receivers, and 2 tight ends, in addition to their kicker. Matching them on offense, the Screaming Eagles are sending out 2 quarterbacks, a single running back, 4 wide receivers, 3 tight ends and a kicker. On the defensive side of the ball, the Spazz are deploying a unique formation in anticipation of the Eagle's strong quarterback duo. They are lining up with a single defensive tackle and defensive end, 4 linebackers, a single cornerback, and 4 safeties. The Screaming Eagles are utilizing a very different strategy, obviously believing that pressuring the quarterback and stuffing the run is the way to go. They are deploying 2 defensive tackles, 4 defensive ends, a single linebacker and cornerback, and 3 safeties.

Each team has several players that will be crucial. The Screaming Eagles are built around a strong offense. Several of their players disappointed week 1. Manager Shawn Weiber was quoted as saying, "the biggest shock for me, is that we went with a 4 wide set and didn't get a single touchdown in the books from the entire set. We originally believed that our starting 4 guys would be able to put up a minimum of 2 touchdowns a week." However, he is clearly confident in his corp, as he is giving all 4 receivers a chance to redeem themselves this week. It helps his receiving corp that they have a strong crutch in quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers and Eli Manning, in addition to the league's premier tight end duo of Jimmy Graham and Rob Gronkowski. They will need improved play out of Eli, but Rodgers, Graham and Gronkowski continued their torrid pace that led to their high auction prices. On the defensive side, the Screaming Eagles are eagerly awaiting the return of their star linebacker James Harrison. They are further hoping for a repeat performance by their week 1 defensive stars JJ Watt and Ahtyba Rubin, who combined for just under 50 points.

The Spazz are depending on lightning striking twice, as their team, generally seen as a ragtag bunch of underperformers, shocked the league with a very strong showing week 1. After blowing up his team with a series of trades, many had written off James' Spazz attack. The manager himself was quoted referring to his team's "lack of studs" as an issue he foresaw. Well James must have given a hell of a pregame and halftime speech, for his squad put up the third highest total in his conference. He is hoping that he can get improved quarterback play this week, as both Andrew Luck and Cam Newton were underwhelming in the fantasy department. However, James appears confident that his week 1 surprise RB duo of Alfred Morris and CJ Spiller can continue their hot streak. The Spazz are also assured by their assertion that a rebound game by Eli will aid in his star receiver Hakeem Nicks making up for a lackluster week 1 performance. While his tight ends surely have upside, it will be hard for them to match up with Gronk and Graham. However, Utah does have some power on the defensive side of the ball, with Randy Starks, Brian Cushing, Antoine Bethea, and DeMeco Ryans combining for over 100 points week 1. The Spazz's biggest challenge will be choosing who to leave on the bench, as last week his bench would have been the highest scoring team in the league.

This doctor believes that between the screaming and spazzing this could be one of the biggest matchups of week 2. Back in May, the Screaming Eagles received almost twice as many first place votes when asked who would win the Third Chapter. In my medically quasi-professional opinion, I believe that this matchup will be quite close. I give the offensive edge to Colorado and the defensive edge to Utah. Utah would have taken this battle if they had faced week 1. However, I think that in the end, experience will overpower youth, and the Screaming Eagles will walk away 2-0, leaving the Utah Spazz winless after week 2 despite another strong showing.

Good luck to everyone not playing the Pigskins this week!

Week 1: Monster Matchup

Well folks, it’s been another exciting week in Roster Wars. However, this week has been even more exciting than normal- not because it’s the first week of football, but because it’s the first edition of the Monster Matchup, with Dr. Pigskinstein. It’s been an exciting initial offseason, filled with ups and downs but we’re finally here. Teams have been created, rated, insulted, defended, and altered. And without further ado, here is our first monster matchup!

Week 1 is going to look at the divisional showdown between the Florida Chaetomorpha and the England Dragons. The Dragons and Chaetomorpha have had very different approaches to the season. Based on our controversial rankings, Stylianos finished the auction among the bottom teams, while Jon was deemed to have one of Roster Wars’ best squads. Dragons shared his utmost confidence, claiming that he has the best defense in the DD. However, Stylianos took his criticism to heart and made a flurry of moves to improve his roster. For their team debuts, the Dragons will be sending out an offensive squad consisting of 2 Quarterbacks, 2 Runningbacks, 5 Wide Receivers, and a single Tight End and Kicker. Their defensive formation will feature a single Defensive Tackle, 3 Defensive Ends, 4 Linebackers, a Cornerback and 2 Safeties. The Chaetomorpha will counter them with an offensive formation with 2 Quarterbacks, 3 Running Backs, 4 Wide Receivers, a Tight End and a Kicker. On defense Florida will be sending out a Defensive Tackle, 2 Defensive Ends, 4 Linebackers, a Cornerback and 3 Safeties. Florida is obviously anticipating England to attack through the air.

As the dust has settled on their active offseasons, there are some players that stand out to this doctor as crucial towards each team’s victory. England needs a strong debut from rookie quarterback RG3, who could be welcomed to the NFL with a shootout against new passing king Drew Brees. MJD decided to join his team shortly before the season began. He had demanded a trade after Jon only signed him to a 3 year deal, but after more fines than Style’s War Bucks could cover, he decided to rejoin his team. I foresee a monster let down week 1, as Rashad Jennings will be starting. Last year’s holdout example did not fare well, and MJD is on a much worse team. Dragon’s next 2 key players are making their debuts with new teams, as Brandon Marshall is reunited with Jay Cutler and Mario Williams begins his contract with the Bills. Marshall should be a solid contributor this season, and Williams should flourish in his return to the line. The Dragons will be missing some of their star players as well this week, as Ryan Mathews and Kenny Britt are both recovering from controversial procedures- Mathews having his ankles replaced with wine glasses and Britt having his brain replaced with a carrot.

The Chaetomorpha have been one of the most active teams since the conclusion of our draft. Racking up War Bucks, and establishing a revolving door of draft picks, The Chaetomorpha even traded away the very player he claimed was the focal point of his auction strategy, proving that no single player is safe from his attempts to improve his team. Staying true to their Tampa roots, the team has collected a plethora of Buccaneers. Stylianos will surely be on the edge of his seat for Sunday’s matchup between the Buccaneers and the Panthers, as a full third of his starting roster will be playing in that game. Outside of that game, there are several other important players whose performance could determine the success of the Seaweed in week 1. Mike Wallace, Jordy Nelson, and Dez Bryant could combine to be a modern day Cerberus, or just a 3 headed headache. All have major questions coming into the season, but have shown that their upside is on par with the best in the game. The Chaetomorpha also need solid if not spectacular play out of both quarterbacks this week, as both have shown glimpses, but need to take another step in consistency to make this doctor a believer. Chris Long and D’Qwell Jackson are 2 additional critical components in the Chaetomorpha starting out among Roster Wars’ undefeated ranks. Both have shown they can be beasts at their respective positions, with health being their primary concern.

I may be mixing medications, but this week’s projected winner of the Monster Matchup is the Florida Chaetomorpha. I believe the Dragons have a slight edge defensively, but I give the offensive edge to the Chaetomorpha due to Florida’s strong WR corp, in addition to key losses to the Dragon’s starting lineup. All this leads me to believe that it will be a close matchup, with the slight edge going to the Chaetomorpha. I’m predicting victory by a single digit margin.

Good luck to everyone not playing the Pigskins this week!

Article by Matt K. (AKA Philadelphia Pigskins)