Friday, October 19, 2012

Edition 2 (Week 7): Mirror, Mirror on the wall...

Mirror, mirror on the wall...



mirrormirror (20K)


Who is the fairest chapter of them all?


Produced by: Roster Wars Football Reference Inc.

In this column we will examine the fortunes of each of the six RW chapters to demonstrate which is the chapter above all others. Every few weeks (Lance that means 3...) we will take a look at the key player movements, injuries etc. as well as the statistical performance of each chapter and declare a fairest chapter of them all!

Recap: last column's conclusions

RW has a case of "the have's and the have nots".
Chapters 2,3 & 5 flying high while Chapter 1 sucking
Can 3rd chapter keep it up?

Changing faces: Key player movement etc.

1st Chapter: Mendy, Clemons in. VJax out

2nd Chapter: Cook, VJax, Jennings, Ryans in. Tannehill, Mendy, Floyd, Gates, Garcon out

3rd Chapter: Floyd, Gates, Garcon, Tannehill in. Cook, Jennings, Ryans, Clemons out

4th Chapter: Mario, S Nicholas in. Woodson, Ponder out

5th Chapter: Britt, Wallace, Bennett, Ponder, Harvin in. Forte, Wright, H Miller, A Brown out

6th Chapter: Woodson, A Brown, Forte, Wright, H Miller in. Harvin, Britt, Wallace, Bennett out

Chapter 4 continues to show little appetite for big moves while Chapter 3 showing sizable appetite for injury prone / injured guys surprised Only time will tell whether the moves between chapters 5 & 6 results in a true change of fortunes or merely amounts to moving the deck chairs around...


Deeper reflection: what do the numbers say

Ranking by PF


5th Chapter 7,709
2nd Chapter 7,569
3rd Chapter 7,543
6th Chapter 7,477
4th Chapter 7,332
1st Chapter 7,270

5th Chapter making a move at the expense of the 3rd. Everyone else holding their spots.

Ranking by All Play record


5th Chapter 56%
2nd Chapter 54%
6th Chapter 51%
3rd Chapter 49%
4th Chapter 47%
1st Chapter 43%

Asked and answered, no the 3rd Chapter cannot keep it up slipping all the way down to 4th...

Examining most 330 or more point performances


1st Chapter 6
2nd Chapter 11
3rd Chapter 7
4th Chapter 5
5th Chapter 11
6th Chapter 7

Since this is a weekly game here we get to see whether its consistency and depth or ceiling thats holding back some of the chapters, for example chapter 2 has similar PF to chapter 6 but four more big performances. C'mon chapter 3, Eagles can only put up 1 of these a week you know...

Examining fewest 260 or less point performances


1st Chapter 6
2nd Chapter 2
3rd Chapter 1
4th Chapter 2
5th Chapter 2
6th Chapter 0

Can a leopard change its spots? Not if its Chapter 1 when it come's to putting up the stinkers...
How long can Chapter 6 hold out here - there only badge of honor in this review...

Bottom line it for me

Now I think's it pretty clear the haves are Chapters 2 & 5 and.... the damn Eagles (single hand-idly propping up their chapter)
Congratulations to Chapter 5 for making the biggest move since last time. Chapter 1 can take some small solace in the fact that their AP record did actually go up, even though not enough to overtake anyone.
May the force be with you all

Still working with the exact format (incl aesthetics) and elements in this one so suggestions welcome!



Reference: for those that haven't memorized the Chapters yet

RW chapters (80K)

If The Playoffs Started This Week

DASTARDLY DOZEN
DIVISION WINNER 1ST CHAPTER Dragons 5-1 (1932.64)

DIVISION WINNER 2ND CHAPTER Headhunters 4-2 (1972.82)

DIVISION WINNER 3RD CHAPTER Eagles 6-0 (2169.62)

BEST RECORD Florida 4-2 (1877.02)

2ND BEST RECORD Eternals 4-2 (1784.90)

All Play Atlanta 95-43

SEEDING
#1 Eagles
#2 Dragons
#3 Headhunters
#4 Florida
#5 Eternals
#6 Atlanta




TERRIBLE TWELVE

DIVISION WINNER 4TH CHAPTER Destroyers 4-2 (1993.00)

DIVISION WINNER 5TH CHAPTER Steelcats 5-1 (2061.44)

DIVISION WINNER 6TH CHAPTER Jersey 4-2 (1910.18)

BEST RECORD Demons 5-1 (1846.22)

2ND BEST RECORD Golddiggers 3-3 (1873.12)

All Play Empire 104-33

SEEDING
#1 Steelcats
#2 Demons
#3 Destroyers
#4 Jersey
#5 Golddiggers
#6 Empire


Hope this is all correct

WEEK 7: MONSTER MATCHUP

WEEK 7 MONSTER MATCHUP
BY DR. PIGSKINSTEIN



WEEK 7 MONSTER MATCHUP: ATLANTA AFRICANS VS MINNESOTA ETERNALS



Another week, another wrong Monster Matchup, another loss for the Pigskins. Life is hard in the life of Dr. Pigskinstein. Unfortunately my doctor’s license is under review- apparently the fact that it was drawn in crayon threw off the scanners. Oh well I’ve bulked up on my various medications so I should be good to last the winter. Apparently I’m perfectly average at picking these, as we are now 3-3 on the season. Last week was at least well chosen, as it came down to a 3 point victory for my prediction to be upset. This week we will be returning to analyzing the Dastardly Dozen. This week’s matchup focuses on the showdown between the 3-3 Atlanta Africans and the 4-2 Minnesota Eternals.

The strongest part of the Eternals’ team is their record. Although they are over .500, they are averaging under 300 points a week, and have had 100 points more scored against them over the course of the season than they’ve scored. The Africans are the exact opposite, sitting at .500, but 4th in the power rankings and 2nd in points scored for their conference. However, Atlanta is missing several of his studs this week due to bye weeks. He will be without Matt Ryan, Jamaal Charles, and his highest scoring player at most of his defensive positions. However, we feel that this actually will lead to this being a very close matchup.

The Eternals are sending out a standard lineup of 2 quarterbacks, 2 runningbacks, 5 wide receivers, a tight end, and a kicker. The Africans’ offense is similar, with 2 quarterbacks, 3 running backs, 4 receivers, a tight end and a kicker. Defensively, Minnesota is lining up with a defensive tackle, a defensive end, 5 linebackers, 3 cornberbacks and a sefty. The Africans will counter with more pressure in the trenches, with 2 tackles, 2 defensive ends, 4 linebackers, 2 corner backs, and a safety.

At quarterback, neither team is particularly strong. We see them ending up relatively even in production. Running back production should come down to the health of Bradshaw’s feet, which is never a good sign. If he was healthy, we would give the edge to Minnesota, but with Coughlin claiming that he will be spelling Bradshaw more this week, we see Atlanta having the edge simply due to numbers. Receiver also favors the Africans, due to QB health. With Roethlisberger and Kolb hurting, Brown and Roberts drop in value this week. At TE, neither TE has a great matchup, but we feel Finley will have his once a month outing where he remembers how to play football.

Defensively, this appears to be an instance of quantity over quality. The Africans are missing Dumervil, Nicholas, Ryans, Bigby and Weddle on byes this week. So positionally, we see the team with more players at each position simply taking the edge. On the D-line, Ian has 4 starters to Andy’s 2, and between linebackers and corner backs, Andy is sending out 8 to Ian’s 6. We predict the Eternals to take the defensive numbers as a whole. However, it will not be enough to cover the advantage that the Africans will take offensively. We see the final score with both teams scoring somewhere between 300 and 320, but the Africans taking the edge.

Good luck to everyone not playing the Pigskins this week!

WEEK 7: Magic 8 Ball Report

WEEK 7 Magic 8 Ball Report

We all must be thinking the same thing. Last week, I decided that for this weeks article I would break down the playoff race since we are officially half way through our FF regular season. Well, I get up this morning and 2 guys have already posted in the forum just such a thing. Nice job boys. Some of the league are thinking they have met their end for the year. Don't! It is not hard to rattle off 6 in a row and squeak your way into the playoffs............LOL NOT!!!!!!! Don't kid yourselves. The 1-5 teams need to think about spoiling and what they are going to do with their Christmas.....Nuff of that.....8 BALL!!!!!! You're up.

Legends (2-4) v Gadabouts (1-5)

According to the Legends' shot call a couple of weeks ago, he just lost his last game. His call has him winning the next 6 in a row. Luckily for him, he picked the right team to start getting on that track. The Gadabouts are 2 games out of 3rd place in their chapter. They have 4 of their 6 games under 300 points. Yikes. The Legends are 4 games out of their chapter lead and have 7 teams above them with a better record, and 8 teams with a better "all-play" record. Their chance at a playoff spot is dwindling quickly. To make things worse, their lineup this week on offense reads like this: QB Hasselbeck/Smith. RB Goodson/Green ellis/Tanner. WR DHB/lafell/Mike W/ and good TE's......LOL The Gadabouts don't have much better going for them this week but we will literally go to the 8 ball this week and ask it. Straight from ask8ball.net.......

Will the Legends win this week: 8 Ball: DON'T COUNT ON IT... you heard the ball

Clowns (1-5) v Eagles (6-0)

Ughhhhhhhhh. Remember when Lucy keeps holding the ball for Charlie Brown and then pulls it away at the last second to see him fly through the air and land on his back. That's what the Damn Eagles are doing every week to all us Charlie Browns. This week, it's the Charlie Clowns. Even though the Eagles are having to play a somewhat different roster this week, In our opinion, the Charlie Clowns will go running as fast as they can and end up flying through the air, landing on their back. And, looking up at the sky they will lay there dreaming of next season as this one slipped through their fingers in the draft.

Are the Eagles Championship bound? 8 Ball said: MY SOURCES SAY NO..... the ball don't lie, do it?


Empire (2-4) v Destroyers (4-2)

We've all been there. We've been the Empire. The team the one with the highest points allowed, while posting nearly the highest points for in the league. They have that to smile about. And they have the all play record. Despite heading down a road that in most leagues you would be kicking your cat all offseason for not making the playoff, the Empire have hope. Their all play record is 30 games better than the next guy in line. So, despite losing again this week to the Destroyers, the Empire will make the playoffs and might be that ever frightening losing record team that goes to the championship.

Will the Empire get the #6 seed in the playoffs? 8 Ball said: MY SOURCES SAY NO...... Sorry Empire

Cats (5-1) v Slings (2-4)

The Slings are a happier bunch this week, early this week. They are another of these teams that have had a ton of points scored against them. Unlike the Empire though, their point total is weak. In short, they deserved to lose those games. Yes, they will get a win here or there, but their point total last week was a fluke. The highest score they put up before that was 303 and 4 weeks under 300. They get to face a Cats team that has never scored below 300 and, despite a couple of lineup changes, they are at near full strength. You know it, I know it and the Slings know it, welcome back to suckiness in week 7.

Do the Slings suck that bad? 8 Ball Said: DON'T COUNT ON IT.............See there is hope

Legionnares (4-2) v Bombers (1-5)

You've heard it before, the Bombers are bad. But, take a look at their lineup. It doesn't look like a one game winner. The Legionnaires, got away with one this week and with this chapter as close as it is, they are probably thinking they can extend that this week on the hapless Bombers. Don't bet that game there Jon, I see it differently. I like the Bombers this week to bring Justin back to where he belongs in the middle of the tightest chapter in Roster wars.

Can the Legionnares pad their lead? 8 Ball Said: MY SOURCES SAY NO...........See, told you

Killers (2-4) v Demons (5-1)

I'm telling you right now, this is the fluke of all flukes. My worst picks have gone against the Demons. Look at this team. Good? I think not. The reason....the third lowest points allowed in the league. And, it's not due to their defense. This is it, this is the moment in the year where the Demons true colors start to turn yella. The Killers, though they also suck, are going to right their ship and in a sense right the Demon ship to and send them on a losing streak for the ages.

Are the Demons worth a damn? 8 Ball Said: DON"T COUNT ON IT.............Didn't need the ball for that

Africans (3-3) v Eternals 4-2)

Say what you will the about the Eternals pouty face sessions the other week, it worked. Some of you craphole teams should start your own therapy bullshit very soon. The Eternals are creatures of the night. You know can't see yourself in the mirror nonsense. Well speaking of mirrors, that's what this record is. Smoke and mirrors. The Eternal are 3rd in total points scored in DD. FROM THE BOTTOM!!! So what you get is a bad ass lion to come in and tear some stuff up. Africans put on a show this week.

Can the Eternals keep pulling the wool? 8 Ball Said: MY SOURCES SAY NO.........Didn't think so

Headhunters (4-2) v Spongebob Squidpoop (4-2)

After being humiliated by the Clowns 2 weeks ago the Headhunters took care of binness last week to reclaim their rightful standing in Chapter 2. Chaeto is in that boat with some other teams where the chips have fallen their way. They are second only to the (5-1) dragons(more on that later) in points allowed this season. Their good luck could continue but we thinks not. Me hopes not. Squidleroy has already proved enough, considering their outlook as determined by the league back in May. Hang out, slow down and take her easy. Nothing left to prove.

Does the floaty have anything left to prove? 8 Ball Said: CANNOT PREDICT NOW.......Stupid ball

Skins (3-3) v Diggers (3-3)

The Skins have now equaled their steak of wins with a streak of losses. The out of chapter games have not been kind to the Skins as they have dropped all three games. The Diggers can't make up their mind if they want to win or lose. Their record is like this: Loss, Win, Loss, Win, Win, Loss. This, as I am learning from my 4 year old, is a pattern so if we go with the pattern and it works out as it should, I can, with almost as good of betting prowess as Jon, tell you the rest of the Diggers' season. Last 6 weeks go like this: Loss, Win, Loss, Win, Win, Loss. And, low and behold a 6-6 record can be predicted for the Diggers. This is easy.

Will the pattern be proven right? 8 Ball Said: VERY DOUBTFUL...........Damn Ball

Duffers (3-3) v Degenerates (1-5)

The Duffers are in a funk, slowly deteriorating the last couple of weeks. Owning the league low score in week 6, they nearly bested the year low. The degenerates are great on offense. Their demise, however, begins and end with the D. Check this The Vegas defensive started have totaled only 704 points so far. The next closest D is a full 180 points higher than this. That number is held by another 1-5 team in the Clowns. Damn boys you get that straight and you might have something here. Bottom line is Vegas can't hang. Next year will be here before you know it.

Can Vegas beat the odds? 8 Ball Said: ASK AGAIN LATER.......figures

Spazz (2-4) v Dragons (5-1)

You have to love the 3rd chapter. The best team in the league and then 3 guys battling for who can suck the most. Two 2-4 teams and a 1-5. If anyone thinks the Damn Eagles won't end with the best record, remember, he gets to play each of these crap teams AGAIN!!! When the stars align for a team, they really align. I digress. Spazz wins again, good for him. Now the Dragons own the best "points allowed" mark in the conference. Meaning? No one he plays wants to play the week he plays them. Stars align again this week for him as Spazz struggles to put up points. Some guys have it all.

Do the Dragons have it all? 8 Ball Said: THE OUTLOOK IS GOOD........Damn Dragons

Wolves (3-3) v CCS (2-4)

Wolves have no lineup set as of 4:40est. They lose. DAMN WOLVES


RWT ORACLE

Week 7: doomsday diagnosis

SO SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE!!! Completely forgot about it and was very busy the past couple of days.



Haloti Ngata DT Bal owned by Jersey Legionaires and Minnesota Eternals
This bad ass BEAST DT got hurt in a injury melee with a minor MCL tear. Reports say that he should be fine to play week 7 which is a huge boost for fantasy owners.
Final verdict: will play

Jon Beason LB Car owned by Atlanta Africans and Adelaide Empire
Missing week 5 was a bad sign for Beason for things to come. The bye week should have helped a lot and should allow him to play this week. Mr Beason did participate in practice on Monday. Coach Rivera is also deciding who to play at MLB between Beason and Kuechly.
Fianl verdict: will play

Ahyta Rubin DT Cle owned by Jersey Legionaires and Colorado Screaming Eagles
Due to the lack of reports, I can't really find his current status. Rubin did miss week 6 on the Browns first win but right now I don't know what is going on with him.
Final verdict: will update in a couple of days.

Trent Richardson RB Cle owned by New Mexico Mad Clowns and Dectaur Demons
Richardson was once again hurt on the ribs and left the game. Although he did not suffer a fracture, his status his uncertain and is considered to be day to day. Richardson is optimistic that he will play so that is a good sign.
Final verdict: will play

Greg Jennings WR GB owned by Wyoming Headhunters and Minnesota Destroyers
After proving me wrong and missing the game last week, Jennings will probably truly miss more weeks which I didn't buy into. Jennings will probably miss this week too as they want to rest him like the Packers said.
Final verdict: will not play

Jerrell Freeman LB Ind owned by Adelaide Empire and Atlanta Africans
This LB has really produced under the radar this year. He has had double digits every week and 3 of them in the 20's. That is just ridiculous numbers. Freeman might have got a concussion but no reports other that as expected.
Final verdict:?????

Brandon Lloyd WR NE owned by Singapore Slings and Colorado Screaming Eagles
With a close diving catch in the 4th quarter, Lloyd did hurt his shoulder and had to leave the game. They looked at it and he only got a bruised shoulder which means he should play
Final verdict: will play

Jimmy Graham TE NO owned by Jersey Legionaires and Colorado Screaming Eagles
He probably will play :).

Friday, September 28, 2012

Week 4 Doomsday Diagnosis

The first 3 weeks of this NFL season has been insane. From major upsets to horrible refs, injuries has been a pretty big factor so far. So it has been really fun and I will get right into it.

Stephen Nicholas LB Atl Owned by Atlanta Africans and Chicago Crime Syndicate
After a ridiculous week 3, Nicholas has hurt his thigh and is listed as questionable. Even with practicing today and yesterday, Nicholas did this on a limited basis. I think this shouldn't be a big issue as he DID practice these two days.
Final verdict: Will play

Fred Jackson RB Buf owned by Atlanta africans and Chicago Crime Syndicate
With a relatively disappointing look for this season and the future, Jackson will have a great chance to fight for the RB spot this week. Spiller is hurt but he is also. Jackson worked in a full practice Wednesday and said he didn't feel too well, he did once again today and he looked better for sure. Coach Gailey has said that Jackson will play week 4 barring no setbacks.
Final Verdict: Will play

CJ Spiller RB Buf owned by Utah Spazz and Minnesota Destroyers
Spiller has finally looked like and even better than what he was supposed to be being drafted so early by the Bills. After being shadowed by Jackson, Spiller finally boosted out this week but he is hurt with a strained left shoulders. Spiller did his own individual workouts on Wednesday and was very limited today. He only got a couple touches but Spiller was moving well with those touches. With all this, I do not think Spiller will make it in time for the week.
FInal Verdict: Will not play

Jonathan Stewart RB Car owned by Florida Chaetomorpha and San Francisco Golddiggers
Stewart is always expected to have a big year every year but someone unexpected happens which we should now expect. He had a good week at the Saints but is injured once again and missed week 3. He practiced on limited basis today and yesterday but reports say that he moved around fine.
Final Verdict: Will play

Jon Beason LB Car owned by Atlanta Africans and Adelaide Empire
After making a great start to his season, Beason got hurt again with a bad knee. He did not practice today or yesterday which is a horrible sign for his status. He is listed as questionable but the 2 missed practices are not promising. We will get a good look at his status after Friday.
Final verdict: will not play

Matt Forte RB Chi owned by Dectaur Demons and Minnesota Eternals
Matt finally hit the field for the first time since his injury yesterday and said he was working on his routes and felt good. This was a great sign and he practiced limited today. Even with the high hopes, the Bears will probably ease him in with touches and don't want to reinjury something.
Final verdict: Will play

Julius Peppers DE Chi owned by Wyoming Headhunters and Singapore Slings
This insane sack and field goal blocking master is just still producing. He is hurt though with a foot issue. Peppers did sit out today but it was for a non injury related issue. This shows that he should be fine.
Final verdict: Will play

Willis McGahee RB Den owned by San Francisco Golddiggers and Colorado Screaming Eagles
This bastard just ruins by fantasy year in year out scoring so many points in one fucking game. With this rant out, McGahee is injured with the ribs. McGahee did practice fully today which is basically a lock barring no setback.
Final verdict: Will play

Matt Stafford QB Det owned by New Jersey Legionaires and New Mexico Madclowns
With a overhyped upcoming season in my opinion, Stafford got hurt in a relatively pathetic loss last week against the Titans. The injury he has had has bounced from upper leg to hamstring but the final one on the website is the hip. Stafford didn't practice Wednesday but did today with the first team. He should be good to go even with the questionable tag.
Final verdict: Will play

Greg Jennings WR GB owned by Minnesota Destroyers and Las Vegas Degenerates
After losing a fight against Brandon Browner, Jennings nearly came back with a TD. He is hurt in the groin and has practiced Wednesday and today on limited terms. Things should be good and he will be needed against the Saints.
Final verdict: Will play

Dwayne Bowe WR KC owned by St Louis Duffers and Decataur Demons
With a huge amount of targets of 16 against the Saints, Bowe had a thigh injury. This report kind of just came out so the questionable tag was immediately put. Bowe did practice today in a limited fashion.
Final verdict: Will play

Reggie Bush RB Mia owned by St Louis Bombers and Norfolk Bombers
This stud who hurt his knee on week 3 is listed at questionable right now. He did not practice Wednesday but did today in non contact drills but ran like it didn't even look like he was injured according to reports. Bush appears to be on track to play the Cards.
Final verdict: Will play

Hakeem Nicks WR NYG owned by San Diego Killers and Utah Spazz
Saying that he will "definitely" play is very good feeling that he will play this week. Nicks did not practice yesterday which was planned but did today limited. Nicks will be needed in the SNF showdown against Philly.
Final verdict: will play

Antrel Rolle S NYG owned by Hamilton Steel Cats and Utah Spazz
After making practice yesterday on a limited basis, things were looking to be going the right direction. But now he did not practice Thursday and has said in his own loud mouth that he is "unsure" on whether he will be playing or not.
Final Verdict: will not play

Darren McFadden RB Oak owned by Jersey Legionaires and Wyoming Headhunters
McFadden finally posted huge numbers week 3 and led the Raiders to a win. On that note, McFadden did hurt his shoulder. He did practice Wednesday and Thursday limited but McFadden should make it.
Final verdict: Will play

Steven Jackson RB Stl owned by St Louis Duffers and Singapore Slings
After making a small amount of action last week, things are not looking good at all for Jackson this week. He missed practice on Wednesday and today which is a horrible sign for his status on playing. We will have a great look at this tomorrow.
Final verdict: Will not play

Pierre Garcon WR Was owned by Atlanta Africans and Phliadelphia Pigskins
With a status of questionable, Garcon has stated that he is unsure on whether he could play this weekend. Garcon is heading to the right direction by practicing yesterday and today even if it was on a limited basis.
Final Verdict: Will play

Good Luck this week!!!

Written by Dr Doomsday

WEEK 4: Magic 8 Ball Report

WEEK 4: Magic 8 Ball Report
Week 3 record (9-3)
Overall (26-10)

Is it just me or was that first three weeks of the inagural season in Roster Wars exhausting. I don't think I have ever had a fantasy league tire me out like this. There is more aniety in this league of "do I have the right people in" or the "can I pull this one out tonight" feelings than I can remember. It's because this is the League of Leagues. I am in too many leagues this year and that won't happen again. I love the amout of time this one takes up and I don't have to go from league to league to get my fix. Now, Lets get it on.

Out of the Chapter, finally!!!!!! These guys are brutal. Now, we venture on to new horizons. All these teams have been playing with each other. Now we get to play with you too. Let me splain.

Duffers (2-1) v Clowns (0-3)

OH those poor Clowns. They are stuck in the 250 point range at the bottom of the RW barrel. The Duffers had their first loss in RW and cannot be happy about those damn refs. But this is it.......This is the week....I can feel it. The Clowns have moved out of the Chapter and are here to wreak havoc on the Duffers. Call me crazy but the Duffers are going to come to New Mexico and get beat....DAMN STRAIGHT.....

8 ball confirms: Clowns by .002

Legends (2-1) v Dragons (2-1)

The Legends come to Dragon land this week. The Dragons reeling from a loss to the boss. While the Legends got the Eagles on a good day(is there not one). This matchup for the Legends.....I don't like it. I wonder if the Legends are about to find themselves in a slump after a great start. Facing the Africans and a surprisingly good Eternals team in the next two weeks, The 8 ball thinks the Legends are about to meet .500 and keep falling.

8 ball says: Welcome to mediocraty

Eternals (2-1) v Gadabouts (0-3)

The Eternals have quietly put up 2 good weeks and have a winning record. The poor Gadabouts have had the unfortunate luck to face 3 good teams in the 2nd chapter. Again this is the week of change. We all start to venture out of our chapter caves and see what the rest of the conference has to offer. This is the Gadabouts coming out party. The Eternals are fielding 1 Qb and junk at RB. Gadabouts, you can finally drink out of that glass.

8 ball reminds: Enjoy that olive

Eagles (3-0) v Headhunters (3-0)

Out of all of the 3-0 teams and 0-3 teams in the league, this is the only matchup of those like records this week. One of these undefeateds is going home a loser. The Headhunters have picked this as their homecoming game. Usually, teams pick the Clowns or the CCS for that, but not in Wyoming. We don't just like petting our sheep. AWW NAWW. We like em hard.....errrrr tough....um ...whatever. The Eagles have had the highest point total 2 weeks straight and have a potent offense. However, in week 1 they put up barely 300 points. In the end though, just like most of the teams that pick a hard team to play for homecoming, they get beat. It will be good but the Hunters fall short.

8 ball says: Heels in the boots, baaaaaaaa

Africans (1-2) v Degenerates (1-2)

I don't think for a second that the Africans thought they would have the same record as the Degenerates after 3 weeks. The Degenerates got a win that they should savor for a while, cause it's not happening again this week. The Africans had that unenviable 2nd Chapter to deal with and have the scars to prove it. They have plenty of firepower to bulldoze Vegas. The Africans are averaging around the 340's while the Degenerates barely broke 300 for the first time last week. Back to reality for Rob.

8 ball mumbles: FLUKE

Chaetomorpha (2-1) v Spazz (0-3)

Oh the Spazz. Top half in scoring. Top half of the power rankings. Bottom of the barrel. When the draft was over the outlook on these two would have been total opposite. Now that the Spazz decimated his team, they are mad and Karma has him a tri-week loser. Chaeto's Karma for rebuilding has him smiling. Does seaweed SMILE? Hell yeah it does. Those smiles don't stop this week either. The Spazz's good point totals will start to look more like week three for a while. As the bid green lays atop the 1st chapter after week 4.

8 Ball yells: Dry it out and smoke it

CCS (0-3) v Pigskins (3-0)

The theme of this article is easily becoming change. New winds. Summer to Autumn. The Pigs routed their chapter with fair ease. Meanwhile, the CCS has fast seen his unrelenting pace on the boards fall like his record. Unlike when he came to us, he is quiet, gentle and giving. Giving himself to whatever team will have him and putting up less of a fight than Will Ferrel did against Freckles on an Austrailian Christmas Eve. Having settled in to this lifestyle he is comfy and warm, waiting for winter to show his fierce nature. Winter is months away and so is a win for CCS.

8 Ball says: Get some hot chocolate and relax

Killers (2-1) v Bombers (0-3)

The Killers have proved that having a semi bad lineup can net you fluke wins week in and week out. While the Bombers can't sniff a win in a bread factory. But I like the team the Bombers have. It has the makings of a winning team. This week the Killers go back to being what we thought they would. The Bombers get on the winning track for the first time this year. Having to change this week and go out of chapter is a good thing for these teams that are winless.

8 ball grins: get it while you can

Destroyers (2-1) v Demons (2-1)

The Destroyers are sporting the 3rd most points in the league and only just barely missed out on 3-0. The Demons have gotten lucky, we think. Beating CCS, speaks for itself. And they took out the Empire on a bad Empire week. The Demons are a hodgepodge group and do not hold a candle to the Destroyers. There will be no luck this week. This will get ugly from the word go and the Demons will be praying to get their hands on CCS again before its all over.

8 Ball preaches: The book of Revelation

Golddiggers (1-2) v Cats (3-0)

At one point I thought the Diggers would be formidable opponents every week. Now I just think they are somewhat of an opponent. What will be great is when the Cats finally have to play someone who gives them a battle. They have had it easy so far. They are good, real good. But with that lineup, I don't see a challenge for the Cats. They may not lose a game until the Championship. In the end, the Diggers begin to cement their place at the botton of Chapter 6 until further notice.

8 Ball knows: There's always next year

Empire (1-2) v Werewolves (1-2)

The Empire is a good team. Way better than that record shows them to be. The Wolves on the other had are not better than their record. Sitting in the bottom 1/3 of point totals, the Wolves winning ways will only come with fluke weeks for them being good and fluke weeks of their opponent being bad. Not happening this week though. The Werewolves' lineup is stocked full of bad matchups. The point placing will not look any different come Tuesday, than it does today.

8 ball says: Better days are not ahead

Slings (1-2) v Legionnaires (2-1)

Jersey got back to the winning side last week after reeling in week 2, after feeling invincible in week 1. The Slings have it rough in Chapter 4 with the Destroyers and Pigs taking names. For a lot of underachieving teams this out of chapter week is a godsend. For the Slings, they got the unfortunate draw of a Legionnaires team that is stacked on D. While these two offenses will go toe to toe, the Jersey D will steal the show. The Slings are going to need a sling after this. Jersey's breaking something.

8 ball chimes: you're a poet and didn't know it

RWT substitute writer and author of "How To Write Bad Articles In 30 Minutes"

Lance Fuller

Edition 1 (Week 4): Mirror, Mirror on the wall...

Mirror, mirror on the wall...



mirrormirror (20K)


Who is the fairest chapter of them all?


Produced by: Roster Wars Football Reference Inc.

In this column we will examine the fortunes of each of the six RW chapters to demonstrate which is the chapter above all others. Every few weeks (Lance that means 3...) we will take a look at the key player movements, injuries etc. as well as the statistical performance of each chapter and declare a fairest chapter of them all!

Recap: last column's conclusions

N/A

Changing faces: Key player movement etc.

1st Chapter: Romo, McGahee, Boldin, Daniels in. Torrey Smith, Colston, Stafford out

2nd Chapter: Colston, Stafford in. Daniels, Romo out

3rd Chapter: Torrey Smith in. McGahee, Boldin out

4th Chapter: N/A

5th Chapter: Tulloch, Bowe, Bowman in. Holmes, Cobb, Julio Jones out

6th Chapter: Holmes, Cobb, Julio Jones in. Tulloch, Bowe, Bowman out

Despite what Lance is trying to get you to believe IDPs don't matter so I left most of those moves out... ROTFLMAO J/K should have all the big moves. No obvious swings of power to date but Chapter 4 seems pretty complacent given their performance scratch

Deeper reflection: what do the numbers say

Ranking by PF


3rd Chapter 3,880
2nd Chapter 3,848
5th Chapter 3,848
6th Chapter 3,710
4th Chapter 3,661
1st Chapter 3,506

Pretty tight at the top and actually only about a 10% spread from top to bottom. Based on pre-season voting its no surprise to see 1st Chapter down there

Ranking by All Play record


3rd Chapter 58%
2nd Chapter 55%
5th Chapter 55%
6th Chapter 47%
4th Chapter 44%
1st Chapter 40%

Same order as the PF which will probably be the case more often than not as we aggregate the "luck" factor by combining 4 teams per chapter. Will be interesting to see how this trends going forward. Difference for top chapters vs basement dwellers a lot more stark in this view though with 3rd Chapter winning 50% more All plays than 1st Chapter

Examining most 330 or more point performances


1st Chapter 3
2nd Chapter 6
3rd Chapter 5
4th Chapter 3
5th Chapter 5
6th Chapter 3

Since this is a weekly game here we get to see whether its consistency and depth or ceiling thats holding back some of the chapters, for example Chapters 1,4 & 6 have similar high point weeks but varying overall performance.

Examining fewest 260 or less point performances


1st Chapter 4
2nd Chapter 0
3rd Chapter 0
4th Chapter 1
5th Chapter 1
6th Chapter 0

Ouch - stinkers definitely concentrated in Chapter 1 here. vote no

Bottom line it for me

i think its pretty clear that in RW right now we have a case of "the have's and the have nots". Chapters 2,3 & 5 are proving to be the high flyers and if there was a relegation system in place Chapter 1 would be rapidly locking that spot up. Each chapter has at least 1 team that is way off the pace from the other members so changes in chapter rankings most likely will come from the last place franchise turn arounds rather than the giants of the league getting even better... Congratulations to the 3rd Chapter for their early season performance - lets see how they can do now that they are earmarked "as the hunted".
Until next time folks


Still working with the exact format (incl aesthetics) and elements in this one so suggestions welcome!



Reference: for those that haven't memorized the Chapters yet

RW chapters (80K)

Week 4: MONSTER MATCHUP

WEEK 4 MONSTER MATCHUP
BY: DR. PIGSKINSTEIN



WEEK 4 MONSTER MATCHUP: COLORADO SCREAMING EAGLES VS WYOMING HEADHUNTERS


Howdy everyone. Apologies for the late submission this week- It's been a crazy week in the laboratory. Several explosions, and one of my projects walked off the operating table. He was wearing a referee outfit and was last seen in the end zone on Monday Night Football, but I unfortunately had recently removed his brain, so there could be some issues forthcoming.

When searching for this week's Monster Matchup your resident Roster Wars doctor had several factors to weigh. We were hoping to post a new matchup with 2 new teams that had not yet been covered. However, while skimming the matchups there was one that was simply too good to pass up on. The Terrible Twelve's time will definitely come, but once again this matchup comes from the Dastardly Dozen.

My 2-1 record at calling matchups lines up well with our 9 managers also currently sitting at 2-1. There are 5 winless owners, and 6 with a 1-2 record. And we are down to 4 owners who have yet to experience the agonizing defeat of a Roster Wars loss. By the end of week 4, the most that that number can be is 3 undefeated teams, as we once again have a showdown between 2 unbeaten contenders. This week's Monster Matchup will focus on the undefeated matchup of division leaders between the Colorado Screaming Eagles and the Wyoming Headhunters.

This week is the week where we see which teams are built to weather the storm, as bye weeks have returned to the fantasy landscape. On top of the loss of players (although neither of our featured teams lost any of last week's starters to bye weeks), we are also experiencing inter-divisional play for the first time.

These 2 franchises are responsible for the debunking of the Pigskinstein Curse, as they were the projected winners of the last 2 Monster Matchups. The Screaming Eagles have been making other owners nervous lately, posting the highest PPG and taking home the title of highest score in Roster Wars 2 weeks running. They currently sit atop the Roster Wars power rankings. The Headhunters have not been as flashy, but have still managed to pull out 3 W's, largely due to the 177 points a week they are scoring on the defensive side of the ball, in addition to the 154 points a week they are getting from their offense. The Screaming Eagles are much more offense driven, scoring a staggering 188 points a week. Their defense is not too shabby either, averaging 171 points a week.

Alrighty down to the matchup! The Headhunters are deploying an offensive formation consisting of 2 quarterbacks, 3 runningbacks, 3 wide receivers, 2 tight ends, and a kicker. On the defensive side of the ball, they are sending out a defensive tackle, 3 defensive ends, 5 linebackers, a cornerback and a safety. The Screaming Eagles are countering by abandoning the running game early, sending out 2 quarterbacks, a running back, 5 wide receivers, 2 tight ends, and a kicker. Defensively, they are deploying a balanced attack, with 2 defensive tackles, 3 defensive ends, 2 linebackers, 2 cornerbacks, and 2 safeties.

Both teams are headed by very strong quarterback duos. If Stafford plays, this will be close to a push, with a small edge going to the Eagles' duo of Rodgers and Eli. Running backs aren't even close. The Screaming Eagles are only sending out Shonn Greene, with his 8 points a week. The Headhunters have one of the stronger RB trios in the league, with Mcfadden, Peterson, and Lynch, he has so far taken gambles that appear to be paying off. Receiver and Tight End lean back towards the Screaming Eagles however. They simply have more firepower at the receiver position, and an elite duo of tight ends. Gates and Pitta definitely have the potential to put up strong scores, but it's hard to vote against Graham and Gronkowski. Defensively, both teams have a very strong trio of defensive ends- both groups could easily be the centerpiece of a victory. Linebackers go to the Headhunters, both in terms of volume and quality, while secondary goes to the Eagles, simply because he has 4 starters to Lance's 2.

When all is said and done I see the Headhunters winning the defensive battle. However, the firepower on the Screaming Eagle's offense will be too much for him to handle. I don't see either of the teams having difficult enough matchups to sway me from seeing Shawn take down this high-scoring Monster Matchup.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Week 3: Doomsday Diagnosis

Hello gentlemen, this is Dr Doomsday in the house to give you a good look at guys that are injured and what I believe to be fantasy relevant for your teams. This week, the position of biggest amount of injuries is definitely the WR by a huge margin. Thank god that there is pretty big depth at that position overall. So lets start right away. 

Jeremy Maclin WR Phi
After a very valiant effort by coming back in the game and hauling in a TD, Maclin looks to have hurt it even more after leaving the game. He didn't practice Wednesday but did show up today and really didn't do much. I think he is a stud but the Eagles will hold him back this week as they probably don't want him to re aggravate his injury and make it a lot worse.
Verdict: Will not play

Pierre Garcon WR Was
After missing week 2 and Redskins losing to the Rams, Garcon was limited in practice Wednesday. RG3's favorite target really needs to get back for greedy fantasy owners and 2 weeks in just too much. Coach Shanahan also acknowledged that Garcon's foot is nagging him more than he anticipated so that is not a good sign at all.
Verdict: Will not play

Steven Jackson RB Stl
With younger RBs in Stl coming up, S Jax just made his case a little worse by injuring his groin which is a horrible thing. Jackson has had problems with soft tissue injuries. He didn't practice Wednesday and today which shows that the chances of him playing is getting slimmer and slimmer. Jackson is hopeful to play this weekend against the tough Bears D. 
Verdict: Will not play

Ryan Matthews RB SD
Now it is finally time for San Diego to unleash the beast in Ryan Matthews. He broke his collarbone and it was a long and very frustrating for fantasy owners and Chargers lovers. Matthews finally practiced fully in pads on Wednesday and today, this is looking very good and exciting for Chargers fans. Everything right now just points that he will start barring no setbacks. 
Verdict: Will Play

Antonio Gates TE SD
The future hall of famer that is still producing was injured last week and was out. Mr Rosario looked great but the sheriff is back to get his catches against the Falcons. After being limited on Wednesday's practice, he practiced fully today and he and Matthews looks like they will coming back to bring the high powered offense to gear.
Verdict: Will play

Troy Polamalu FS Pit
The all pro stud looks very iffy to play the Raiders this week even though they don't need him to beat the Raiders. He hurt his calf and didn't practice today but there will be a much better idea on his status on Friday. 
Verdict: Will not play

Rolando McClain LB Oak
With a great week 1 and disappointing week 2, the extreme talent knucklehead McClain is hurt with a concussion. He did practice today which a great sign and will make a good impact.
Verdict: will play

Dustin Keller TE NYJ
After missing the first 2 weeks, Keller is very confident and optimistic that he will play against the Dolphins. Keller did not practice on Wednesday but did on a limited basis on Thursday. 
Verdict: Will play

Marques Colston WR NO
This man is just a hard guy to read... He is so physically talented but sometimes he is just so quiet and doesn't get any catches till garbage time. I just don't get it and he is injury prone as he is on this list devil . Colston did practiced limited on Wednesday and Thursday so things are looking good for him. He should help the Saints get their first win. 
Verdict: Will play

Brandon Lloyd WR NE
Now Brandon Lloyd looks like he will be a major part of this offense with Hernandez hurt and the reduced role of Welker. He hurt his thigh and was limited Wednesday and today. The Pats really need him as a deep threat in the huge showdown on Sunday night against the Ravens.
Verdict: will play

Erin Henderson LB Min
Now looking like his brother a few years back, Erin Henderson is just a stud the past 2 games. He missed Wednesday and Thursday's practice with a concussion. 
Verdict: Will not play

Pat Angerer LB Ind
With a huge year last year, Angerer has been plagued with injuries. He did not practice at all on Wednesday and is listed as doubtful from a foot injury. 
Verdict: Will not play

Greg Jennings WR GB
Jennings who hurt his groin didn't participate in practice this entire week. Things are really not looking good even though he showed up in today's practice session. Coach McCarthy noted that things are NOT where they want it to be for Jennings.
Verdict: Will not play

Calvin Johnson WR Det 
After being shadowed all night against the 49ers D, Johnson missed Wednesday practice with an ankle injury. Johnson who is unstoppable came back to practice today. It looks like he will be back and ready to go.
Verdict: Will play

Sean Lee LB Dal
Getting knocked the shit out by a receiver must have really sucked. Lee who is a stud LB in his own right is hurt with hip pointers. He was a limited participant in Wednesday's practice but I think he will back on the prowl for tackles and his specialty of forcing fumbles. 
Verdict: Will play

Matt Forte RB chi
With great news that Forte did not get a high ankle sprain, he is still hurt and is making progress according to Lovie Smith. He didn't practice yesterday or today which is not good. All signs show that he will most likely not make it to this week's game.
Verdict: Will not play

Jarius Byrd FS Buf
After making a huge name for himself last season, Byrd is hurt with a foot injury. He practiced today on a VERY limited basis according to Coach Gailey but he says that he thinks he will make it to Sunday and Byrd looks good. 
Verdict: Will play

Fred Jackson RB Buf
With Spiller looking like what he was drafted to be, Jackson looks like he will come back to be the backup or split time with Spiller. Jackson who hurt sprained his right knee ligament is making a very good recovery and is ahead of schedule. 
Verdict: Will not play 

Ladarius Webb CB Bal
The number 1 CB on the Ravens Ladarius Webb is hurt and missed Wednesday's practice due to a knee injury. He will be needed for the Patriots game.
Verdict: Will Play

Bernard Pollard SS Bal
This huge hitter has hurt his ribs. Pollard did not practice on Wednesday but it looks like he will be good to go.
Verdict: will play

Roddy White WR Atl
After an amazing game against the Broncos beating out Porter and Bailey, White is hurt with a knee injury. He was limited Wednesday and today but I really feel like there is no problem. The Falcons will need him against the Chargers game.
Verdict: Will Play

Julio Jones WR Atl
With a relatively disappointing week 2, Jones practiced on a limited basis on Wednesday and Thursday. He will play on Sunday against the Chargers in my opinion. 
Verdict: Will play


Written by Dr Doomsday

Thursday, September 20, 2012

WEEK 3: Magic 8 Ball Report

******PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING******

In order to excuse The Roster Wars Times of any liabilities of any persons hurt feelings or egos, please read and accept the following waiver before reading any RWT article.

If any of the following pertain to you, you may want to leave this thread immediately.

~I am overly sensitive
~I am easily irritated
~I feel my manhood is tested when called a girl
~I like Bon Bons
~dark chocolate makes me sneeze
~i have no girth
~I take my coffee with cream
~ I drive a VW bug(with flowers In the thingy)
~I have a nano second fuse
~my sister beat me up when I was little
~I feel tough when typing on my keyboard
~I want to kill people that say I suck
~I like cats
~I cry a lot for no reason
~my middle name is sue
~I believe Ozzy worships Satan(Demons are excluded here)
~I feel like I am most of these and RWT is singling me out

If you can say yes to more than one of these statements, turn and walk away right now. Otherwise, proceed at your own risk.

We here at the RWT know that this article may not get read now, but must cover our butts. There's folks with feelers about ya know.

WEEK 3: Magic 8 Ball Report
Week 2 Record (10-2)
Overall Record. (17-7)

Florida (1-1) v New Mexico (0-2)

These clowns just can't catch a break. Their players are good, friendly guys. But, sadly, there are just not enough of them that can provide the output needed to compete. Happily, the chaetomorpha won their game last week. They were so excited. It was great. Even though this week they will crush the clowns. They still plan to have a face painting and fish cracker party after the game.

Our happy little ball says: How nice is that :)

Minnesota (1-1) v England (1-1)

An embarrassing loss last week did not make for a happy poppa on his weekly radio show. He blames it on sleep but really needs a hug(enter Justin). The dragons are undefeated and have had the luxury of playing two teams who's point totals were some of the lowest in the league. But he ain't frownin'. He uh happy dragon. Frolicking in the Autumn mist in a land called Honalee. However, poppa knows he can't let this dragon go undefeated in this chapter without a fight(which we don't condone). But in the end, he will saddle, mount, break and tame this dragon before he gets out of control.

8 ball lovingly says: who needs his belly scratched, good boy

St. Louis (2-0) v Wyoming (2-0)

At the time of this article the Duffers had won their game by 1.02 points, so we go with that. These two undefeated head into week 3, each vying for a perfect record in Chapter 2 before heading to out of chapter games. The Duffers, in our opinion, have outplayed their potential in the last 2 weeks. But, that's how you win titles in FF. The Headhunters have not been special but have done just enough to get wins. Neither team have great matchups on offense and once again, the RWT believe the D will be the key here. An afternoon of watching Caddyshack together, instead of the game, and the Duffers feel a little poke.........

8 ball cringes: Will you please....suck out the poison for me

Sanibel (0-2) v Atlanta (0-2)

Obviously not the start that either of these teams envisioned for their inagural season at RW. One of these teams will be 3 games back in their chapter by Tuesday morning. The Gadabouts, are lacking......in everything...on offense, while their D is the only thing keeping them alive. The Africans, have just missed in the first 2 weeks. They have the firepower but haven't had the right match-up, until now. The poor relocated Gadabouts, will go on feeling left out and the Africans will console them with a good beating this weekend. As Ian massages out the pain......

The 8 ball directs: A little to the left

Las Vegas (0-2) v Utah (0-2)

There is always something to feel good about, no? I mean if you look at this match-up, both of these guys will have a good week. Spazz has put up plenty of points so far. Enough to sit atop the power rankings in DD, winless. The Degenerates have not suprised themselves. Vegas knew he would struggle this year. The happiness comes when the Spazz finally get their first win(no matter how low they score), and the Degenerates don't get their hopes up by winning a game. It will be like they are laying in a bed of roses together. Bliss.

8 ball rolls over and: NEIGHH

Colorado (2-0) v Omega City (2-0)

So, the polar opposite of the two winless teams facing each other is this. The twin towers in Chapter 3. The legends barely scraping out a win against a hapless Vegas squad. And, the Eagles making it look easy against a gamer in Utah. The legends are ever confident, making it a jolly good time reading his books errr....posts. However, he must put that confidence aside this week, and realize that his dropoff in production is a sign of things to come. Take a deep breath and close them sleepy little eyes cause the sandman from Colorado is going to sing you to sleep......

8 ball sings softly: lullaby and goodnight la la la la la la la

Philly (2-0) v Singapore (1-1)

Have you ever been beaten by a dollop? A smidgen? A squirt? A dash? A tidbit? Sure you have. This ain't one of those times. The Slings have matchups up and down their roster that scream, "oh shit"!!! We here at RWT, don't feel bad for teams very often, but in this flowery edition we feel like crying for the Slings. And you should too. If you see him this week, pat him on his bottom and tell him, just cause you lose doesn't make you a loser. Winning isn't everything.

8 ball rebuts: the hell it isn't

Minnesota (1-1) v Norfolk (0-2)

The Bombers are struggling. They are just not putting up the point totals required to win consistently in RW. I was surprised when looking at their lineup though. It don't suck now, really. It's pretty good. I thought this to be an easy pick, but now I'm a bit vexed. I feel like the destroyers have been outdoing themselves. And, the Bombers are underperforming. In the end, though in a very close game, the Destroyers will plant a third straight loss on the Bombers and bury them in a huge hole.

8 ball offers: what size casket can I get for ya

Chicago (0-2) v Hamilton (2-0)

Not the kind of start CCS envisioned in RW when he swarmed his way into the league at the last second. It's bad and dont look good this week. The Cats, however, have no worries. Their offense is playable but this defense is lights out. The Cats and Headhunters obviously had the same vision to build a stellar defense as the cornerstone of the team(no wonder those two guys get along so well). And, then let the offense pick up the scraps. This idea has led the Cats to 2 high output weeks and he isn't about to stop in week 3. CCS is just another in a long line of teams to fall 3 games back in their chapter after 3 games played and looking forward to drinking from the pee pee bowl.

8 ball askes: Would you like that super sized?

Adelaide (1-1) v Decatur (1-1)

If The Empire hadn't met the big Cat in week 1 they would easily be 2-0. They sit atop the power rankings in TT. The Demons got a early Christmas present and drew CCS in week one and got their lone win(that everyone else in this chapter will also get). This one looks pretty darn close this week. I couldn't find anything that really stood out other than the QB's that the Empire is playing. That combined with the fact that the Demons are playing Shonn Greene(barf), make me lean towards the Empire in this one. Too bad we can't play 2 kickers.

8 ball reveals: Drop Shonn Greene for Olindo Mare

Carolina (1-1) v Jersey (1-1)

This one is easy. As of 11 am EST on Thursday the Werewolves had not submitted a lineup. Worked last week. Jersey wins.

8 ball pleads: help us out here man

San Fransisco (1-1) v San Diego (1-1)

This chapter is knotted up. The only chapter where all 4 teams sport the same record. This weekend it's the battle for California. North vs South. Both these guys got their first win last week. San Fran smoked the legionnaires, who thought they were invincible after week one. While the killers eeked one out on the Werewolves. In this one there are too many PPR points to be had for San Fran. The Killers make this one look more like they did in week 1.

8 Ball laughs: just stay home

Love conquers all.

Roster Wars Times Senior Janitor

Mani Chitsbig

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

WEEK 3: MONSTER MATCHUP



Well 2 weeks in, and your resident doctor is 1-1 in his weekly matchups. At the moment, that matches up with 10 of you, in addition to 7 undefeated and 7 winless squads. We shall see if any of that changes come Thursday. But as of now, there are 2 week 3 matchups between undefeated opponents. One matchup includes the victor of last week's (correctly predicted mind you) Monster Matchup. So in an attempt not to give him as big a head as his opponent, this week's Monster Matchup will focus on the undefeated divisional matchup between the St. Louis Duffers and the Wyoming Headhunters. Although in retrospect, I guess the Headhunters wouldn't mind 2 big heads in his conference… But I digress.

This showdown consists of 2 differently designed squads. The Duffers are sending out 2 quarterbacks, 3 running backs, 4 wide receivers, and a single tight end and kicker on offense. The Headhunters are employing a 2 quarterback formation, with 3 running backs, 2 wide receivers, 3 tight ends and a kicker. On defense, the Duffers are loading up their secondary, with a single defensive tackle, defensive end, and cornerback, while sending out 4 linebackers and 4 safeties. The Headhunters are using a much different strategy, backing up his belief that the battles are won in the trenches. They are using a formation of a single defensive tackle, cornerback, and safety, with 3 defensive ends and 5 linebackers.

Each team has a strong quarterback, along with a questionable number 2. However, the comparisons really end there. The Headhunters' RB trio of Adrian Peterson, Darren McFadden, and Marshawn Lynch has been incredibly fortunate for their team. A few weeks ago many would have predicted that none of the 3 would be starting at this point in the season. However, Peterson proved that there are superheroes, and Lynch has been blessed with a lengthy legal process. The jury is still out on whether McFadden will be playing this week, as he still has to get out of bed each day, which gives him a 47% chance of his knee exploding. Regardless, these 3 should easily be able to cover the Duffers' trio of Benson, Reggie Bush, and Pierre Thomas. However, The Duffers should compensate with a stronger receiving group. Andre and Stevie Johnson, in addition to Bowe and the Steve Smith that has a resume longer than 1 line, should be able to easily outproduce the Headhunters' duo of Demaryius Thomas and Malcolm Floyd. However, the Headhunters will once again counter with a trio of tight ends against the Duffers' lone representative, although in my increasingly convincing medical opinion none of these tight ends will be the difference maker in this matchup. All things considered, the offenses have the potential to put up very similar numbers.

The defenses should end up being the deciding factor this week. Both have strong linebacker groups. The Duffers were led in week 2 by Clay Matthews' 3.5 sack performance against the Bears. The rest of his linebackers have averaged just under 20 points a game. However, the Headhunters have the edge at Linebacker, with an impressive group (trust me- I'm a doctor). The Duffers group of safeties should combine for a good 60 points, but the Headhunters should be able to counter that with their trio of pass-rushing defensive ends.

After many varieties of alternative (and often self-prescribed) medications, I took a long nap. When I woke up, the winner of this week's Monster Matchup had come to me. The Duffers should put up another solid showing this week, which they are showing is just par for their course, but it will not be enough to take down the Headhunters. They will maintain their place among the Roster Wars undefeated. And just let me know if you're ever interested in reattaching some of those heads you're collecting. I charge the best prices around.

Until next time, and good luck to everyone not playing the Pigskins this week!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Week 2: Titillating Tuesday Takeaway

Titillating Tuesday Takeaway
By: Ima H. Omer

Another week has come and gone!!!! As we learned last week, scores are not official until Thursday, but we will try to help you stay abreast of the situation. We here feel that any game within 15 points, is “to close to call” until Elias releases final stats on Thursday. We will give our opinion and hopefully, not look like a boob.

Dastardly Dozen


Chaetomorpha – 365.42 @ Eternals – 223.45
Scary thing is, I can now SPELL Chaetomorpha without looking. To the game. For the Eternals, not a single player has topped the 20 point mark. This went a long way to their demise. Dracula had left Ogletree on the bench last week and should have this one too, as he came back to earth. Clownfish had 6 TBB’s score a total of 118.82 pts. While impressive, this reporter thinks this is more of a fluke than the rule. Chaetomorpha have shown us the way to kill Eternals……feed them Sushi.

Dragons – 346.18 @ Mad Clowns – 241.52

Dragons have come out breathing fire. The Mad Clowns are in the burn unit. Led by RG3 and Amendola on offense and very good numbers on defense, the Dragons burned their way through the Clowns. The Joker managed to leave some very solid defensive stats on his bench. In the end, it really wouldn’t have mattered that much. The Clowns will need to learn how to juggle their lineup better to break this losing streak.

Headhunters – 335.98 @ Gadabouts – 264.06

The Headhunters have stuck another skull on their spears. Putting together one of the best defensive scores of the week, they overcame poor performances from Peyton and DMC. These could have been critical, except OC Ron Burgandy just has not gotten the news yet. CJ0K just cannot score him points. Add in Williams and Titus Young, you get a whopping, wait for it, 9.40 pts. No way Ron can scoop anyone at this rate. Tom Landry just keeps continuing his winning ways.

Africans – 340.92 @ Duffers – 331.94

This is one of the games that falls into the “to close to call” category. Had OC Jim Harbaugh decided not to go with Jay Cutler and used Sanchez instead, this game would not be nearly as close. Add in the 1.40 Fitz performance and this game comes down to Elias. Payne Stewart is hoping to get a birdie on Thursday to pull this one out. He was helped the most by Matthews, Bush and Bowe. Had Andre Johnson managed to chip in, this would have been a great foursome. For now, we wait and see.

Spazz – 350.00 @ Screaming Eagles – 388.04
Spazz are on the ground twitching after last night’s game. While Spiller and Nicks led the offense, Blackmon and Rodgers appeared to be on medication, scoring a total of 1.22 points. For the Screaming Eagles, solid Monday Night plays from McGahee and White have soared them to the win and the largest point total for the week. The Ultimate Warrior is still looking for loopholes to get the Eagles off the endangered list.

Legends – 317.78 @, Degenerates – 291.42

Magneto rolled out the highest defensive effort so far this week. His LB’s gave a polarizing performance of 121.00 points. For this week, he has overcome the Hernandez injury. Can he do it moving on? Note should be made, the Legends had the next to lowest winning score. On the other side, Primetimes defense scored the least total defensive points of the week. Maybe he needs to spend more time in the tape room and less in a Fairy costume.

Terrible Twelve

Slings – 288.86 @ Destroyers – 359.78
Just like their name, the Destroyers did just that. Destroyed the Slings. Randy Marsh couldn’t get the Sherriff to find his own players. The 21.04 pt. total from Manning/Bradshaw/Charles/Jackson spelled doom. Destroyers had 4 IDP players that outscored this group single handedly. Emperor Palpatine brought a Death Star to the game w/Spiller and Sproles. Add in the second best defense, you get Storm Troopers.

Bombers – 302.10 @ Pigskins – 316.68

Game is close. Thursday is coming. Stanislaw is hoping for some decaying Uranium to blow up his stats. Although, had Einstein nuked Jay Cutler they would be in much better shape. Oxy-moron, Cutler/Einstein in same sentence. For the Pigskins, Joe Gibbs rolled out RG3 and AJ Green to lead the offense, with a lot of help from the D. London Fletcher showed he still has it with a 23.00 pt. output. We feel Dave will regret the Cutler move and will fall to the Piggieskins.

Steel Cats – 323.44 @ Demons – 313.68
Another close game. Again, the heavily dogged Demons are trying to pull one out of the ashes. The Steel Cats had nice numbers from Eli and the entire defense, while Ozzy, on the Demons side, had big fat 0’s from Avril and Nick Perry. In the end, we feel Puss N’ Boots will perform an Exorcism.

Empire – 366.82 @ Crime Syndicate – 284.24
These aren’t your Daddy’s legends here. Leonidas rebounded from last week with a defense of the Pass. Get it? After Thursday, he stands a chance of the top defensive score. Chicago was arrested by another down performance by his starters. Even with 100% efficiency, Capone would only have shot out a 309.60 score. No where good enough. He brought guns to a sword fight and lost.

Legionnaires – 260.92 @ Golddiggers – 348.34
Obviously, the Legionnaires were still drunk from their victory last week. Going from the high score, to the 2nd lowest score, they were massacred. Good thing Napoleon is not on staff, this would have been a Waterloo. We could add right here, that Hamish Campbell really needs to know who his players really are, but that would almost be cruel. The Golddiggers pumped out the second highest offensive total for the week. Led by 26+ scores from Foster/McGahee/Harvin/Davis, Genghis Kahn took the field of battle. When last seen, owner Justin Pullis was pounding swords into plowshares.

Killers – 314.24 @ Werewolves – 301.62
Close enough to be interesting. Jack Sparrow saved Nicks from the gangplank, now we need to see if it was enough. Maybe the Werewolves aren’t who Dennis Green thought they were. For DC Buddy Ryan, only 2 players topped 20 points. Had he been able to add a little more, outcome may have been different. Had Eva been able to pull this off, could have taken a much needed when in the 6th Chapter. No one may notice though, she is just too damn hot!!!!! We feel Killers hold on.

That’s it from here.

Come back next week for the worst, and the breast, in Roster Wars!!!!!!