Titillating Tuesday Takeaway
By: Ima H. Omer
Another week has come and gone!!!! As we learned last week, scores are not official until Thursday, but we will try to help you stay abreast of the situation. We here feel that any game within 15 points, is “to close to call” until Elias releases final stats on Thursday. We will give our opinion and hopefully, not look like a boob.
Dastardly Dozen
Chaetomorpha – 365.42 @ Eternals – 223.45
Scary thing is, I can now SPELL Chaetomorpha without looking. To the game. For the Eternals, not a single player has topped the 20 point mark. This went a long way to their demise. Dracula had left Ogletree on the bench last week and should have this one too, as he came back to earth. Clownfish had 6 TBB’s score a total of 118.82 pts. While impressive, this reporter thinks this is more of a fluke than the rule. Chaetomorpha have shown us the way to kill Eternals……feed them Sushi.
Dragons – 346.18 @ Mad Clowns – 241.52
Dragons have come out breathing fire. The Mad Clowns are in the burn unit. Led by RG3 and Amendola on offense and very good numbers on defense, the Dragons burned their way through the Clowns. The Joker managed to leave some very solid defensive stats on his bench. In the end, it really wouldn’t have mattered that much. The Clowns will need to learn how to juggle their lineup better to break this losing streak.
Headhunters – 335.98 @ Gadabouts – 264.06
The Headhunters have stuck another skull on their spears. Putting together one of the best defensive scores of the week, they overcame poor performances from Peyton and DMC. These could have been critical, except OC Ron Burgandy just has not gotten the news yet. CJ0K just cannot score him points. Add in Williams and Titus Young, you get a whopping, wait for it, 9.40 pts. No way Ron can scoop anyone at this rate. Tom Landry just keeps continuing his winning ways.
Africans – 340.92 @ Duffers – 331.94
This is one of the games that falls into the “to close to call” category. Had OC Jim Harbaugh decided not to go with Jay Cutler and used Sanchez instead, this game would not be nearly as close. Add in the 1.40 Fitz performance and this game comes down to Elias. Payne Stewart is hoping to get a birdie on Thursday to pull this one out. He was helped the most by Matthews, Bush and Bowe. Had Andre Johnson managed to chip in, this would have been a great foursome. For now, we wait and see.
Spazz – 350.00 @ Screaming Eagles – 388.04
Spazz are on the ground twitching after last night’s game. While Spiller and Nicks led the offense, Blackmon and Rodgers appeared to be on medication, scoring a total of 1.22 points. For the Screaming Eagles, solid Monday Night plays from McGahee and White have soared them to the win and the largest point total for the week. The Ultimate Warrior is still looking for loopholes to get the Eagles off the endangered list.
Legends – 317.78 @, Degenerates – 291.42
Magneto rolled out the highest defensive effort so far this week. His LB’s gave a polarizing performance of 121.00 points. For this week, he has overcome the Hernandez injury. Can he do it moving on? Note should be made, the Legends had the next to lowest winning score. On the other side, Primetimes defense scored the least total defensive points of the week. Maybe he needs to spend more time in the tape room and less in a Fairy costume.
Terrible Twelve
Slings – 288.86 @ Destroyers – 359.78
Just like their name, the Destroyers did just that. Destroyed the Slings. Randy Marsh couldn’t get the Sherriff to find his own players. The 21.04 pt. total from Manning/Bradshaw/Charles/Jackson spelled doom. Destroyers had 4 IDP players that outscored this group single handedly. Emperor Palpatine brought a Death Star to the game w/Spiller and Sproles. Add in the second best defense, you get Storm Troopers.
Bombers – 302.10 @ Pigskins – 316.68
Game is close. Thursday is coming. Stanislaw is hoping for some decaying Uranium to blow up his stats. Although, had Einstein nuked Jay Cutler they would be in much better shape. Oxy-moron, Cutler/Einstein in same sentence. For the Pigskins, Joe Gibbs rolled out RG3 and AJ Green to lead the offense, with a lot of help from the D. London Fletcher showed he still has it with a 23.00 pt. output. We feel Dave will regret the Cutler move and will fall to the Piggieskins.
Steel Cats – 323.44 @ Demons – 313.68
Another close game. Again, the heavily dogged Demons are trying to pull one out of the ashes. The Steel Cats had nice numbers from Eli and the entire defense, while Ozzy, on the Demons side, had big fat 0’s from Avril and Nick Perry. In the end, we feel Puss N’ Boots will perform an Exorcism.
Empire – 366.82 @ Crime Syndicate – 284.24
These aren’t your Daddy’s legends here. Leonidas rebounded from last week with a defense of the Pass. Get it? After Thursday, he stands a chance of the top defensive score. Chicago was arrested by another down performance by his starters. Even with 100% efficiency, Capone would only have shot out a 309.60 score. No where good enough. He brought guns to a sword fight and lost.
Legionnaires – 260.92 @ Golddiggers – 348.34
Obviously, the Legionnaires were still drunk from their victory last week. Going from the high score, to the 2nd lowest score, they were massacred. Good thing Napoleon is not on staff, this would have been a Waterloo. We could add right here, that Hamish Campbell really needs to know who his players really are, but that would almost be cruel. The Golddiggers pumped out the second highest offensive total for the week. Led by 26+ scores from Foster/McGahee/Harvin/Davis, Genghis Kahn took the field of battle. When last seen, owner Justin Pullis was pounding swords into plowshares.
Killers – 314.24 @ Werewolves – 301.62
Close enough to be interesting. Jack Sparrow saved Nicks from the gangplank, now we need to see if it was enough. Maybe the Werewolves aren’t who Dennis Green thought they were. For DC Buddy Ryan, only 2 players topped 20 points. Had he been able to add a little more, outcome may have been different. Had Eva been able to pull this off, could have taken a much needed when in the 6th Chapter. No one may notice though, she is just too damn hot!!!!! We feel Killers hold on.
That’s it from here.
Come back next week for the worst, and the breast, in Roster Wars!!!!!!
By: Ima H. Omer
Another week has come and gone!!!! As we learned last week, scores are not official until Thursday, but we will try to help you stay abreast of the situation. We here feel that any game within 15 points, is “to close to call” until Elias releases final stats on Thursday. We will give our opinion and hopefully, not look like a boob.
Dastardly Dozen
Chaetomorpha – 365.42 @ Eternals – 223.45
Scary thing is, I can now SPELL Chaetomorpha without looking. To the game. For the Eternals, not a single player has topped the 20 point mark. This went a long way to their demise. Dracula had left Ogletree on the bench last week and should have this one too, as he came back to earth. Clownfish had 6 TBB’s score a total of 118.82 pts. While impressive, this reporter thinks this is more of a fluke than the rule. Chaetomorpha have shown us the way to kill Eternals……feed them Sushi.
Dragons – 346.18 @ Mad Clowns – 241.52
Dragons have come out breathing fire. The Mad Clowns are in the burn unit. Led by RG3 and Amendola on offense and very good numbers on defense, the Dragons burned their way through the Clowns. The Joker managed to leave some very solid defensive stats on his bench. In the end, it really wouldn’t have mattered that much. The Clowns will need to learn how to juggle their lineup better to break this losing streak.
Headhunters – 335.98 @ Gadabouts – 264.06
The Headhunters have stuck another skull on their spears. Putting together one of the best defensive scores of the week, they overcame poor performances from Peyton and DMC. These could have been critical, except OC Ron Burgandy just has not gotten the news yet. CJ0K just cannot score him points. Add in Williams and Titus Young, you get a whopping, wait for it, 9.40 pts. No way Ron can scoop anyone at this rate. Tom Landry just keeps continuing his winning ways.
Africans – 340.92 @ Duffers – 331.94
This is one of the games that falls into the “to close to call” category. Had OC Jim Harbaugh decided not to go with Jay Cutler and used Sanchez instead, this game would not be nearly as close. Add in the 1.40 Fitz performance and this game comes down to Elias. Payne Stewart is hoping to get a birdie on Thursday to pull this one out. He was helped the most by Matthews, Bush and Bowe. Had Andre Johnson managed to chip in, this would have been a great foursome. For now, we wait and see.
Spazz – 350.00 @ Screaming Eagles – 388.04
Spazz are on the ground twitching after last night’s game. While Spiller and Nicks led the offense, Blackmon and Rodgers appeared to be on medication, scoring a total of 1.22 points. For the Screaming Eagles, solid Monday Night plays from McGahee and White have soared them to the win and the largest point total for the week. The Ultimate Warrior is still looking for loopholes to get the Eagles off the endangered list.
Legends – 317.78 @, Degenerates – 291.42
Magneto rolled out the highest defensive effort so far this week. His LB’s gave a polarizing performance of 121.00 points. For this week, he has overcome the Hernandez injury. Can he do it moving on? Note should be made, the Legends had the next to lowest winning score. On the other side, Primetimes defense scored the least total defensive points of the week. Maybe he needs to spend more time in the tape room and less in a Fairy costume.
Terrible Twelve
Slings – 288.86 @ Destroyers – 359.78
Just like their name, the Destroyers did just that. Destroyed the Slings. Randy Marsh couldn’t get the Sherriff to find his own players. The 21.04 pt. total from Manning/Bradshaw/Charles/Jackson spelled doom. Destroyers had 4 IDP players that outscored this group single handedly. Emperor Palpatine brought a Death Star to the game w/Spiller and Sproles. Add in the second best defense, you get Storm Troopers.
Bombers – 302.10 @ Pigskins – 316.68
Game is close. Thursday is coming. Stanislaw is hoping for some decaying Uranium to blow up his stats. Although, had Einstein nuked Jay Cutler they would be in much better shape. Oxy-moron, Cutler/Einstein in same sentence. For the Pigskins, Joe Gibbs rolled out RG3 and AJ Green to lead the offense, with a lot of help from the D. London Fletcher showed he still has it with a 23.00 pt. output. We feel Dave will regret the Cutler move and will fall to the Piggieskins.
Steel Cats – 323.44 @ Demons – 313.68
Another close game. Again, the heavily dogged Demons are trying to pull one out of the ashes. The Steel Cats had nice numbers from Eli and the entire defense, while Ozzy, on the Demons side, had big fat 0’s from Avril and Nick Perry. In the end, we feel Puss N’ Boots will perform an Exorcism.
Empire – 366.82 @ Crime Syndicate – 284.24
These aren’t your Daddy’s legends here. Leonidas rebounded from last week with a defense of the Pass. Get it? After Thursday, he stands a chance of the top defensive score. Chicago was arrested by another down performance by his starters. Even with 100% efficiency, Capone would only have shot out a 309.60 score. No where good enough. He brought guns to a sword fight and lost.
Legionnaires – 260.92 @ Golddiggers – 348.34
Obviously, the Legionnaires were still drunk from their victory last week. Going from the high score, to the 2nd lowest score, they were massacred. Good thing Napoleon is not on staff, this would have been a Waterloo. We could add right here, that Hamish Campbell really needs to know who his players really are, but that would almost be cruel. The Golddiggers pumped out the second highest offensive total for the week. Led by 26+ scores from Foster/McGahee/Harvin/Davis, Genghis Kahn took the field of battle. When last seen, owner Justin Pullis was pounding swords into plowshares.
Killers – 314.24 @ Werewolves – 301.62
Close enough to be interesting. Jack Sparrow saved Nicks from the gangplank, now we need to see if it was enough. Maybe the Werewolves aren’t who Dennis Green thought they were. For DC Buddy Ryan, only 2 players topped 20 points. Had he been able to add a little more, outcome may have been different. Had Eva been able to pull this off, could have taken a much needed when in the 6th Chapter. No one may notice though, she is just too damn hot!!!!! We feel Killers hold on.
That’s it from here.
Come back next week for the worst, and the breast, in Roster Wars!!!!!!
