Week 2: The 2-Minute Drill

The 2-Minute Drill
Week 2 of the RW Season
By: Mike Diggs
YTD Record: 12-0
Welcome back for another edition of the 2-Minute Drill. What a crazy weekend of football once again, but what else can be expected from the first couple weeks on the NFL season. Strange things happen each year and this year is nothing different. Who would have seen Arizona breaking the home-opener winning streak in Foxborough? Dallas goes from looking dominate against the defending champions to getting dominated by Seattle. The Eagles outslugged the Ravens. And probably the biggest head scratcher, the 0-2 Saints. But enough of the NFL headlines… Let’s dive into the RW headlines!

Florida Chaetomorpha 365.42 (+0) vs Minnesota Eternals 223.38 (+0)
Umm… Andy apparently forgot to tell his players that they were playing on Sunday and not on Monday. I’m afraid that many of them decided it wasn’t worth showing up this week. No drama, just an old fashioned ass kicking by the Chaetomorpha this week. Florida evens their record at 1-1 while the Eternals drop to 1-1.

England Dragons 335.18 (+1) vs New Mexico Mad Clowns 181.82 (+4)
Very solid showing by the Dragons in this one. One of the higher scores of the week and he still awaits some points from Wesley Woodyard. The Clowns just happened to pick a fight with the wrong team. Even monsters games out of Turner, Von Miller, Mike Adams, and Thomas DeCoud won’t be enough to claw back into this one. The Dragons easily jump to the top of the division at 2-0 while New Mexico continues to “clown” around at the bottom, dropping to 0-2.

Wyoming Headhunters 305.74 (+2) vs Sanibel Gadabouts 264.06 (+0)
The Headhunters went for blood this week and they got it. The Gadabouts were out classed in this fight. Already with a 40pt cushion, Lance is still yet to trot Peyton Manning and Demaryius Thomas out to play on Monday night. As for the Sanibel crew, it’s just another week of disappointment. Headhunters remain leaders of the Second Chapter at 2-0 while the Gadabouts are left to ponder change at 0-2.

Atlanta Africans 301.36 (+2) vs St. Louis Duffers 318.44 (+1)
Finally, we get to a real contest. The Africans and the Duffers put on a great show on Sunday and we look to be in for a photo finish on Monday night! Ian will send its’ field general, Matty Ice, into battle along side of one of the defensive MVPs of Week 1, Stephen Nicholas. The Duffers will try and hold off the attack with Tony Gonzalez and a 14.08pt lead. Frankie’s only hope will be a TD or two to Tony G. Don’t think that is going to happen so I have this one ending up in the Africans’ favor. Atlanta climbs to 1-1 while the Duffers duff to 1-1.

Utah Spazz 308.48 (+3) vs Colorado Screaming Eagles 326.78 (+4)
With seven guys waiting to play, we all know what that means. These two squads have way too many Broncos and Falcons on their rosters! Jacquizz Rodgers, Matt Prater, and William Moore are going to need to outscore Willis McGahee, Eric Decker, Roddy White, and Derek Wolfe… AND make up 18pts. When you’re done laughing, you’ll agree with me that it’s not going to happen. Spazz drop to 0-2 while the Screaming Eagles cement their place as one of the best teams in Roster Wars at 2-0.

Omega City Legends 289.28 (+2) vs Las Vegas Degenerates 268.52 (+2)
Sorry, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. What a shitty game, and I’m not just saying that because I’m a LVD fan. Both teams were plagued by underperformers this week. At least the Legends have a shot to get to a respectable score with Julio and Weatherspoon waiting to play. The Degenerates only have a kicker and the #1 defensive player from Week One, Tracy Porter. Not a chance for Vegas in this one. Legends cruise to 2-0 while LVD starts to eye the #1 pick in the 2013 Rookie Draft at 0-2.

Singapore Slings 280.42 (+1) vs Minnesota Destroyers 346.78 (+1)
Another case of one team showing up and the other hitting the snooze button six times too many. The Slings were outmatch in this one, no doubt about it. Not even Peyton Manning will be able to make up the 66pt deficit. As for the Destroyers, they may think about benching Von Miller simply out of compassion. Yea, I didn’t really think so either. Minnesota bounces back from a tough loss to even out at 1-1 while the Slings drop to 1-1.

Norfolk Bombers 302.10 (+0) vs Philadelphia Pigskins 316.68 (+0)
No drama. No Monday night players. The Pigskins had a fight on their hands but in the end got the job done without the need to running the 2-Minute offense. Philly remains atop the Fourth Chapter at 2-0 and the Bombers implode at 0-2.

Hamilton Steel Cats 323.44 (+1) vs Decatur Demons 279.38 (+1)
The Demons showed up to the gun fight with a squirt gun full of catnip and got clawed up. The Steel Cats fired on all cylinders on Sunday and left really nothing for Derek Wolfe to do on Monday night. Decatur still has William Moore waiting in the wing, but even if Moore picked off Peyton a couple times... AND returned all of those picks for touchdowns… AND racked up a couple tackles… It still wouldn’t be enough to salvage this one. Hamilton improves to 2-0 while the Demons drop to 1-1.

Adelaide Empire 305.52 (+4) vs Chicago Crime Syndicate 244.68 (+2)
Yikes! The Chicago Crime Syndicate looked like the Wilderness Girls of America in this one. Matt Ryan and Stephen Nicholas could both put up thirty point games and the Syndicate would still be behind. And oh yeah, the Empire is still waiting for Demaryius, Roddy, Tamme, and Woodyard to take the field. Good ole fashioned butt whoopin’ in this one! Adelaide rises to 1-1 and the Bicycle Thieves fall to 0-2.

Jersey Legionnaires 232.52 (+3) vs San Francisco Golddiggers 311.28 (+2)
I’m kind of left scratching my head in this one. Didn’t the Legionnaires post the first 400pt game in Roster Wars history last week? Didn’t we have to listen to Justin gloat all week about how he was the top overall scorer in the league last week? My God did fortunes change in Jersey Shore! Julio, Matt Bryant, and Tracy Porter have a good shot of outscoring McGahee and Decker for sure… But no chance in hell of making up the 79pt deficit they find themselves in. Golddiggers rebound to shock the world and move to 1-1 while Snookie is left to scratch her crabs and wonder at 1-1.

San Diego Killers 314.24 (+0) vs Carolina Werewolves 270.62 (+2)
And finally, we end the 2-Minute Drill with a tiny sweat for Sihao and the Killers. Carolina will put its hopes on the back of Tony Gonzalez and Mr. Dumervil to rescue them on Monday but I’m thinking Elvis has already left the building and Jason is a couple seasons late on Tony G. The Werewolves close the gap but in the end, fall short in this one. San Diego rises up to 1-1 and the Wolves drop to 1-1.

And that does it for Week Two of the 2-Minute Drill. A couple interesting story lines to watch on Monday night, but many games are in the books here at Roster Wars. Check ya next week, stay classy San Diego!
-Mike Diggs