Week 2: Magic 8 Ball Report

WEEK 2: Magic 8 Ball Report

RECORD (7-5)

Some might call the 8 Ball report prediction record sloppy, mediocre, or unimpressive. I call it, nearly perfect. After all, what do you expect from my black beauty. If you read between the lines, the ball was right every time. Let me splain....take the Demons/CCS call. The ball stated "Demons Suck." Was it wrong? I think not. For the Duffers/Gada tilt, my ball said "by a country mile." How far is that, really? You see, she is never really wrong. It is all about perception. Now, come along, come along now...................

ROCKY III
Legionnaires (1-0) v Diggers (0-1)

Week 1 for the Legionnaires was bliss. His team could do nothing wrong. Lance Moore with 20+. Freaking Kicker with 20+. Kevin Smith.....cmon. The Legionnaires have a good team. Good enough to keep that pace? Not so much. The Diggers, on the other hand, did their best to muster mediocrity. Cam with a bad week and a ZERO from Jared Allen? Not happening again. This week, I believe, the tide turns. The Diggers core studs have great match-ups all the way down the line. The world thought Clubber Lang couldn't be beat. The world thought Rocky was a paper champ. Mickey was.....was..104.......Apollo Creed(killers) got beat down and Adrian.....was never pretty....This weekend Rocky proves the world wrong and knocks out Clubber Lang with a loud(whatever noise that is that Rocky makes)......

and the 8 ball says(in the family feud dudes voice): I pity the fool

WHAT ABOUT BOB
Cats (1-0) v Demons (1-0)

Would you believe that this is the only game on the docket of undefeated teams facing each other. Well, it is. The Cats did just as predicted in week 1 making the Empire look weak. While the Demons D did all the heavy lifting for him. Unfortunately, for Bob, he is living in another world. A world where he must keep telling himself everything will be ok. I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful... I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful..But, it's not wonderful, it's not good. The Demons did just about what they can be expected to do. However, under 300 points in this league just will not cut it on a weekly basis. Fortunately, there is the therapy, and the Demons are going to need a lot of it. The Cats bury this poop in the litter box and remain undefeated....

8 ball wisdom: I sail.....I sail now....I'm a sailor...

THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES
Legends (1-0) v Degenerates (0-1)

The Degenerates did not disappoint in week 1. Their high powered offense mostly showed up like they were supposed too. And, the defense, did squat, like they were supposed to. This is the classic case of why you need a good D in this league. Without a fluke performance from Porter the Degenerates would have lost by 60+. Unfortunately, for Vegas, things aren't looking up. Remember the Outlaw Josey Wales always had a big chew in his mouth and spit it on anything and anyone ? That is what I see in this matchup. Vegas is the bug crawling across the ground and Vince is Josey hurling the perfect ball of tabacco spit and nailing him as he tries to crawl to safety.

8 ball recalls: Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms

CHRISTMAS VACATION
Headhunters (1-0) v Gadabouts (0-1)

The Gadabouts lost a close one in week 1 to a Duffers team we, here at the 8 ball report, obviously underestimated. Meanwhile, the Headhunters eeked out a win with a solid showing across his team from all but a few players. This week the Headhunters garner matches from their core players against the Colts, Jags, and Dolphins. The Gadaboys don't have bad matchups but lack the firepower to board enough points to stay close. As the Headhunters bask in the glory of Christmas, the Gaydarboys stand in the cold, cigar in hand.........

8 ball screams: SHITTER'S FULL!!!!!!!

TOMBSTONE
Dragons (1-0) v Clowns (0-1)

Last week, the Dragons got a gift. As luck would have it the firepower Florida has on their team decided to stay home. Thus, a half hearted win. The Clowns, they stayed home too. They, the Clowns, look mean. Scary little bastards in the face. But underneath just a sheep in wolves clothing. They have some guys who can flat play ball. But the rest that are sprinkled in are to leave him wanting for the rest of the year. The Clowns do not posses the horses to put up a 300+ score on a weekly basis. Therefore, the challenge for them will be in trading and the waiver wire to try to muster some kind of a respectful season. The Dragons pull a Wyatt Earp on Johnny Tyler.....

The 8 ball chimes in: You gonna do something or just stand there and bleed

TWINS
Chaetomorpha (0-1) v Eternals (1-0)

Chaetomorpha laid an egg week 1. Or, whatever seaweed poops, that's what happened. They nearly would have lost to the Clowns. The Eternals, however, surprised us. The Eternals got big games out of some guys who probably won't do that very often. FloRIDA got bad games from guys who should show up in the coming weeks. To us at the 8 ball report this is a Twins moment. In our opinion two totally opposite teams that are showing totally opposite of their capabilities. This week the Eternals will be relying on some guys who came out of nowhere in week 1. The norm on that is.....those guys usually go back in the closet. Chaeto is praying that his stars actually will come out an perform. This coming Tuesday both of these teams will have twin records and the universe will be balanced once again.

The magic sphere remembers: My name is Julius and I am your twin brother. Oh, obviously!

YOUNG GUNS II
Bombers (0-1) v Pigskins (1-0)

The Bombers got their buts handed to them in a Sling last week. While the Skin road their young guns to victory in our inaugural week. This week we see much of the same the old dogs for the Bombers will put up a good fight. And, the Skins' young pups will try to run rampant once again in week two. As much as I love the power of veterans in FF, the pups on the Pigskins roster have super good matchups to exploit. As the Skins look down on their rivals from the second floor window, they can enjoy at least one more week of young guns making their mark.

Ol' #8 shouts: Best dollar eighty I ever spent

KARATE KID
Spazz (0-1) v Eagles(1-0)

Man I love a good fight. I love a good underdog getting beat down, no respect and then BAM, kicking the crap out of the bully. The Spazz looked done. Trading away any hope for a successful season. Now, those scrubs everyone thought would garner him a top pick come draft day, are starters. And, those Eagles, that everyone thought were a slam dunk for greatness, look, mortal. The Spazz even though losing are riding high on the thought that maybe, just maybe he doesn't suck that bad. And, the Eagles, even though winning last week, should feel as if maybe they can't stand up as the best in the league. Now, as much as we here at the 8 ball report love the underdog. We believe, that little Machio dude should have gotten his ass kicked in the end cause that crane kick is a bunch of horse puckey. Spazz tap out in the 3rd....

Sensei 8 ball say: Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything

PREDATOR
Africans (0-1) v Duffers (1-0)

The Duffers squeaked out a win from the Gadabouts in week 1. Getting solid performances throughout his lineup. The Africans, however, hung tough all weekend until the end. But, failed to finish the Headhunters off. This, to me, is one of the best matches of the week. Both teams offenses are stacked. Both teams defenses are lacking. No offensive players facing real formidable defenses. This should be a great one. The big bad alien vs. ARNOLD. In the end, the Duffers get blown to hell, while the Africans barely walk away.

SGT.. 8 Ball whispers: You're ghostin' us, motherfu&%er.
TERMINATOR
Slings (1-0) v Destroyers (0-1)

The Slings got a gift last week. They just happened to play the worst team in the conference this day and barely made it happen at that. The Destroyers showed well but picked the wrong skin to play week 1. Week 2, however, will be different and similar. The difference being that the Slings will score more points this week. The similarity being that the Destroyers will put up a fight again but end up just missing out on another win. Just like the terminator always seems to just miss out on killing John Connor, the Destroyers will end up helping their intended victim by the end(by letting the Slings steal another win)

Terminator 8 demands: Your clothes... give them to me, now.


THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
Empire (0-1) v CCS (0-1)

The only battle of winless team this week is an easy one. The Empire put up enough points to beat 3/4 of his conferencedre. However,he drew the short straw last week, having to face those pesky Cats. CCS could have beat a mere 2 teams in the entire league with the poo he put on the field. Unfortunately for the rebellion things will not get any better this week. They will be lucky to best their point total from a week ago. While the Empire will stormtrooper in and destroy CCS with hardly a punch thrown. The ugliness continues for the Syndicate in week 2 with no end in sight.

Darth Ball breathes: Don't fail me again, Admiral.

MRS. DOUBTFIRE
Killers (0-1) v Werewolves (1-0)
As of this writing, Midnight EST. Thursday, Sept. 13th The Werewolves have yet to set a lineup for week two.........THEY LOSE...

DoubtfireBALL screams: Sink the sub. Hide the weasel. Park the porpoise

Until we meet again......

Roster Wars Times apprentice matchup writer

Yukon G O'toohel